Mixed Emotions

Photo Source: http://livelistendream.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/
mixed-emotions/

 

I’ve been going through mixed emotions these past couple of weeks (more of months, actually). Now, I don’t know if these are my 40+ hormones going wayward or what!

HAPPY…that we’ve actually gotten on board another year of homeschooling (after a physically taxing kind of summer vacation which isn’t how we normally spend it)

HAPPY…that I was able to put in place my survival tools (all the preparations and requirements, and finally, guide schedules, with an ‘s’) before officially and slowly starting the schoolyear last June.  Everything I finished just in time!  WHEW!!!

THANKFUL…that we have new materials to use in Religion or Christian Living (books that are specifically Catholic), Grammar, Reading, Business Mathand even new activities for P.E. (archery for Arielle and golf for Kayla; They’ve been doing competitive swimming ever since they started to homeschool.) and for TLE (sewing, where I ended up joining our girls in class! 🙂 )

TIRED and UNMOTIVATED…that I’m teaching again to Kayla the same topics in Filipino and Social Studies (which is Philippine History) and with no really good textbooks and accompanying teacher’s guide to use for both subjects!  (A fellow homeschool mom suggested The Other Philippine History Textbook by Christine Diaz (Books 1 and 2) but as of this writing, we only read about the Spanish colonization of the Philippines so I can’t say yet if I can totally ditch the hand-me-down textbooks which Arielle used in the previous years).  That’s just Filipino and Social Studies.  There’s still Math, Science, and the other subjects. 

TIRED and FRUSTRATED…that I’m still reminding our girls some routines which I had expected them to know automatically by now.  

STILL THANKFUL…that since my homeschooling family stays with my parents (I’m the only child left to BE with them), we share helpers who do the cooking, laundry, and the rest of the household duties, which I don’t have to worry much about.  BUT I make sure that our girls still are aware of their responsibilities and duties at home and that they do their share of chores, too.  We still are a family unit who move about our own ways and live our own lifestyle.  I actually ADMIRE homeschool moms who manage to homeschool their kid(s) and still do all the chores at home, and even add a full-time or part-time job to all those duties and responsibilities, whether as a WAHM (work-at-home mom) or commuting daily to the office!  HATS OFF to these SUPERMOMS! 

(Back to) FRUSTRATED…that I’m running out of ideas how to teach (well, more of coach) the different subjects to our girls! How do I do out-of-the-box teaching in Algebra, Chemistry, Physical Science, World History?

CAREFREE ATTITUDE…since I feel I lack the motivation and I don’t have any brilliant and new ideas to put some excitement in their lessons and spice up our discussion.  I usually am geared up every start of the schoolyear! But not this time 🙁  (And to think that we just started! What a way to begin!)  

(Back to) THANKFUL…that Arielle and Kayla are actually working more independently now. I still think that this is an accomplishment and victory to be celebrated.  

Do you now feel the roller coaster ride of my mixed emotions?  Brace yourselves for a few more dips and turns!

HAPPY...that I’ve found a new hobby in doodling and journaling.  It really feels good to discover that happy place for some ME time and self-expression.

AFRAID…that I won’t be able to get back on track in the next quarters with this kind of attitude and totally having no fresh ideas to make their learning more fun and exciting.

AFRAID and FRUSTRATED COMBINED…that I’m shortchanging my girls, especially Kayla,  because I’ve been less involved in their learning. 

PRETTY MUCH DETACHED, WORTHLESS, and LESS FULFILLED…because most of the time, I’ve really been just letting the girls work independently and move on from one subject to the next. Did I just change our homeschooling setup and lifestyle to one where I simply brought the classroom to our home?  Where did the “beyond books and walls” go?  How about that person in me known as “the best teacher of my children”? Did she go on leave?

UPSETwith Department of Education’s K-12 program which I feel is messing up Arielle’s high school and preparation for college and how this K-12 is making our homeschooling now feel like traditional school done at home.  That makes me feel even worse since I already feel traditional-ish in my teaching style in the first place!  The K-12 issue and our view about it should be another post to write about (if only I could put down all my thoughts, every bit of emotion in words and have the inspiration plus time to blog about it!)  

Is this how it’s supposed to be after 6 whole years of breathing the homeschooling lifestyle?  Or is there also such a thing as a 7-year itch in homeschooling?   I wonder (Hey, I’m serious.)

The only thing that’s keeping me together in one piece these days is the thought that whatever I’ve been feeling lately (ALL of it!) is probably going to do us good (GOSH! I HOPE SO!), and that with God’s blessing and promise, EVERYTHING’S GOING TO WORK OUT JUST FINE (Breathe in, breathe out). After all, Arielle’s already in 3rd year high school and Kayla’s slowly moving up to higher levels.   They do need to learn how to be independent.  I’m probably at the stage where it’s quite difficult for me to LET GO of our girls, let them stand on their own, and start flapping their wings.  I’ve probably been so attached and hands-on to them that actually seeing and letting them do things on their own gives me a weird, uncomfortable, different feeling.  Maybe, I’m not yet used to their telling me “Ma, I’m okay.  I understand my lessons.  I can do it by myself.”

I just didn’t expect this to happen this year.  So soon?  I’ve been harping on teaching the life skill, independence, and now that’s actually and slowly happening in front of my face, I don’t know how to deal with it.  It is quite a surprise…something unexpected.

All these mixed emotions! SIGH!!!  All I can do right now is to chill.  To let go.  To pray hard to be a better and wiser parent to them as I go through this parenting AND homeschooling stage combined and make sure they feel that I’m just right behind them when they need me.  I probably need a change of perspective to be able to deal with these growing-up and moving-on changes in our life. 

How have you been feeling lately with your homeschooling?  Have you had mixed emotions, too? How did you cope and how do you deal with them? 


4 Comments

  1. Posted September 3, 2013 at 2:44 PM | Permalink

    I think we have our own dose of mixed emotions. Everytime I have multiple emotions, I sit back and pause for a while. breathing makes it better

    • racquel
      Posted September 3, 2013 at 8:43 PM | Permalink

      Hi, Donna 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement and advice. I do agree with you. Pausing, slowing down, and breathing really make things more manageable. Thanks! 🙂

  2. Posted September 6, 2013 at 7:27 AM | Permalink

    I guess the only reason I don’t feel this, Racquel, is because I have younger children that keep me busy. But, yes, I believe you are on the right track (4th to the last paragraph) that high schoolers must learn certain things. In our homeschool, we cannot avoid the fact that they have to become more and more independent and also that they have to get used to learning the traditional way because there will be no professor in college making things fun for them. But I can empathize. You are even fortunate that you CAN learn WITH your high schoolers a lot of the things they are into. Savor it 🙂 Been feeling discouraged lately as well:
    http://winniewith5.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/life-lessons-for-k-to-mom/

    • racquel
      Posted September 8, 2013 at 8:30 AM | Permalink

      Thanks, Winnie, for always giving me encouragement and ready to help when I holler! It means a lot! 🙂

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